If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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