gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
