i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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