in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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