I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
