It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
