i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
