His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
