You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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