A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
