She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
