i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
