PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
