Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
