if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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