what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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