As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
