well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
