it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
