I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
