Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize