Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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