i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize