Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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