im six kinds of drunk right now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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