there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
