Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
