Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
