i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
