I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
