Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
