Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
