So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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