Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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