my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize