I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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