How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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