I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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