I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
