dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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