I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
