Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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