i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize