I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
