When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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