this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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