I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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