I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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