so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
