The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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