I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
