What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
