I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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