Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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