how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
