Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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