im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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