I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
