Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
