I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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