The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
