She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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