u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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