How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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