from now on my penis is your penis
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
