Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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