i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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