it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize