O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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