just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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