Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
