what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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