he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
