I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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