Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
