She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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