There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
