chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was CRYING into my vagina
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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