ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
