my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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