Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
