ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
