dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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