Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This baby is an asshole
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
