i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
