I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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