after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
