you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
