That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
