Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
