Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize