two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Even my vagina gasped.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
