I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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