I'm jealous of your bromance
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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